The Shame Around Lube – Sexography


When my ex-boyfriend first bought lube and asked to use it during sex, I was devastated. Him asking to use lube meant that I was failing as a sexual partner. It felt like a punch to the gut.

I reluctantly agreed to use the lube but inside I was having an identity crisis. What did his request mean about my womanhood?

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I hated using lube for the remainder of that relationship. Anytime he pulled it out, I felt personally attacked. Often I would tell him no and he would slowly put it back in the nightstand. I hated the way it felt on my skin, I hated the way it made me feel emotionally.

In my mind, using lube signaled that my body was incompetent. Some of the times we used lube, I was so stuck in my own head that it was impossible for me to enjoy sex.

I felt like less of a woman.

After we finished, I would rush to the bathroom eager to wash the excess lube off of my body and forget about the whole experience. It was my post-lube ritual. It, of course, didn’t help that my partner at the time was buying cheap and sticky water-based lube.

I now know that not all lube is created equal.

But for the remainder of that relationship and several one-night stands afterward, I continued to despise using lube. Honestly, I preferred being slightly uncomfortable with a dryer experience than using a product that made me feel inferior.

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