How to Be Dominant in BDSM – Sexography


To be inexperienced in the BDSM world can be daunting.

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To be an inexperienced dominant can be daunting and conflicting. You may have seen yourself as a kind person who treats others as you would like them to treat yourself. Now suddenly, in this context, you want to control or even inflict pain on your partner.

To develop as a dominant will mean that you grow as a human being, coming to know the why’s of your inner emotions. You will learn to deal with parts of yourself that you may have been trying to suppress.

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Maybe the idea to be a Dominant feels attractive, but you are worried about other’s expectations? Does taking control feel attractive because you are enjoying taking responsibility? What does your partner want, and what the hell do you want for yourself?

The best way to be dominant is not to be like the stereotype of the perfect dominant man/woman. You will need to find the style that makes your eyes glow, your energy rise, and causes you to feel alive. The ideal dominant is a myth; you are real!

Interview yourself to find out what you want from the BDSM experience. What areas of BDSM do you want to try? Bondage, discipline, domination, or sadism? Most people like a mix of this, how does your wishlist look?

What kind of relationship do you want? Partly or exclusively BDSM? With or without sex, monogamous or poly? The BDSM world is open to different types of relationships and combinations.

How do you want to communicate in a scene? ? Do you see yourself as a strict dominant, or do you want to make your partner happy in the first place? Do you want to find an independent and cocky submissive or someone milder and obedient? Do you want to be called Master and your partner wearing a collar? Do you like role-playing, or do you prefer to be yourself?

Remember that everyone sometimes gets nervous and insecure. To admit this has nothing to do with being a “good” dominant. Being dominant is not about a controlled facade. It is about knowing yourself enough to be worthy of submission. Nervousness is a normal human emotion to feel, at times. Self-awareness and integrity are sexy characteristics.

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When you know yourself and your preferences, it is easier to talk to your partner about what both of you want. Communication always goes in two directions. You will to behave in one way with an obedient slave and in another way with a spoiled brat who needs the fight. Every relationship and every scene is unique.

You need to find out what your partner wants, hard limits, desires, and expectations. It may be difficult for your partner to tell what he or she wants. It is your job to make sure that he or she can communicate this to you in a way that feels good. It can be challenging to express emotions in words. It is also hard to guess how a scene will feel with you.

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Start with a simple scene and ask specific questions. After the scene, you will have more intimacy, and it will be easier to talk further. You can also suggest writing a letter. A more dramatic way is to use your dominance in a scene to get your partner talking about her/his desires and fantasies

Fantasies are a great source of inspiration because they are often intense. Don’t translate them into a scene without talking through it all carefully. Not all fantasies are transferable in practice.

A submissive partner may feel that he or she destroys the dynamics by telling you what he or she wants. Still, at least, talk about what is unthinkable for your partner, the hard limits. Let your partner know that being an excellent submissive has nothing to do with having no hard limits. It can be helpful to let your partner know that it is for your selfish pleasure that you want to hear about her/his desires.

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