How My Insecurities Obstruct My Orgasm – Through My (L)ens
Whether it’s a protruding belly, nonexistent boobs, or visible cellulite, I seem to always find a reason to feel insecure in the bedroom.
The lights may be off, but my mind certainly isn’t. When I should be focusing on my girlfriend’s pleasure along with my own, I can’t help but give way to the intrusive thoughts of my own insecurity.
To this day I still have yet to experience an orgasm resulting directly from a partner.
In lesbian relationships, there’s more opportunity for self-deprecation. Here’s what I mean.
Dating a woman leaves more room for direct comparison. Are her boobs bigger, is her stomach flatter, does she have a tighter ass?
I have no experience dating a man, so maybe I have no authority on the matter. But, I have gone on dates with men and have had feelings for men, and have never felt as comparatively self-conscious. My self-consciousness manifested itself in different ways. Rather, if they would be attracted to my body.
When it comes to sex I’ve always had to pleasure myself after pleasuring my partner. It’s just never felt as good with someone else’s touch.
Perhaps it’s a mix between my addiction to masturbation and familiarity with my own touch and my insecurities.
I know that when I have someone between my legs I wonder if I taste funny, look funny, or sound funny. No matter how hard I try to get out of my own mind I only seem to fall deeper into my own subconscious.
At the end of the day, this is something I need to figure out unless I want my sex life to be doomed for all of eternity.
As the age-old saying goes, how do you expect someone to love until you love yourself?
This can’t be something only I’ve struggled with, but it can be something that opens a conversation for others.
I’d love for you to comment below if you’ve struggled with something similar and any questions or suggestions you have!