A letter to the 10 year old me – Sayra Khanwelkar
A transwoman writes a letter to her past self
How are you? I hope you are feeling good. Did you recognise me? I am the person you have always yearned to be. Yes, I am a woman now, finally. I am so sorry I made you wait for so long. I hope you will forgive me.
I know you feel mom and dad don’t understand you right now, but they will eventually. I know you are confused and unhappy right now, but I promise you, things will get better. I know, you will one day gather the courage to tell mom, dad that you are a girl. But please, be prepared, because before things get better, they are going to become a lot worse.
I’m sorry I’m going to hurt you real bad in a few years, but don’t worry, you’ll survive. I can’t change what I have already done. I’m sorry you’ll have to live with scars on your arms. I’m sorry I didn’t do anything when that woman did those awful things to you.I’m sorry, you’ll have to live in the Boys’ Hostel for 3 years. I’m sorry, I have so many regrets, I feel so helpless. I wish I could have given you a happy childhood by coming out of the closet earlier. Please forgive me, but I know you won’t because you and me are the same, and I learnt to forgive myself only recently.
You’ll face many problems, but don’t lose hope. And whenever you feel like the world is collapsing, just read this letter again. Because this letter stands as proof of the fact that you will get better some day and write a letter to your past self.
Sayra (Yes, that is your name now. Do you like it? Of course you do, you are the one who will choose it in the future!)