Yes I’m Gay, No I’m Not Proud – The Partnered Pen


I like women. I figured this out when I was around 14 and told most people soon after. When I came out to people, I kept hearing about “how brave” I was and that I should be proud. Proud of what? Pride is associated with an accomplishment. Being gay is not an accomplishment.

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Being gay is nothing noteworthy. The way we see homosexuality as “unique” or “special” is just reinforcing heteronormativity. What’s up with the far left actually moving us backward in terms of LGBT acceptance? When a friend tells me that they’re gay or bi or anything besides straight, I respond with something similar to an “okay, want to get some food now?”. If it’s an emotional event for my friend, then I’ll be there for them in whatever way they want. I just don’t see them any differently, besides who I can see them dating. For me, sexuality is on par with liking a particular genre of books or movies. If my friend tells me they’re only into science fiction novels, I’m only going to recommend that type of novel to them. It’s also similar to how dating sites will ask if I want to see women, men, or both. A person’s sexuality is just who they are attracted to. We’re making too much of a big deal of this.

Then there’s pride parades. I’ve never been to one of these and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t think there is inherent strength in being gay and I’m not saying that to offend anyone. Sure, there is strength in coming out to an unaccepting family or to overcoming internalized homophobia, but that’s different than just saying “I’m gay, so that means I’m stronger than you because you’re straight”. I don’t think we should get rid of pride parades or anything, but I don’t like the message it sends. For a lot of people, pride parades are really helpful in accepting their sexuality, so they’re not all bad.

The LGBT community thinks that right-wingers hate gays, despite causing some of that hate. I know plenty of conservatives who don’t care a bit if someone’s gay. They become annoyed with the LGBT community when it is all a queer person talks about or because of all these parades. A lot of these conservatives aren’t even the “keep it to the bedroom” ones. They don’t care if you hold hands or kiss in public, they will just hold you to the same PDA rules as straight couples (meaning no excessively lewd behavior in public).

I don’t feel bad that I’m not proud of being gay. After high school, I stopped seeing being gay as an identity. Sure, if I’m on a dating app I’ll put down that I’m a lesbian when it asks for my sexual orientation or identity, but it doesn’t define me, just my sex life and who I’m sexually and romantically attracted to.

I don’t hide being gay. I actually try to tell most new friends early on because it gets annoying to be asked a hundred times during a movie how sexy I think Channing Tatum is. My friends will also not try to set me up with men and will make sure to poke me if they see a cute girl they think I should talk to. I really just don’t think sexuality is something to either be proud or ashamed of.

If we normalized homosexuality rather than attached an expected sense of pride with it, heteronormativity would get much better. Nowadays, kids think being gay or bi or whatever is “cool”. I’m sorry to break it to you, but being gay is not cool, it’s literally just who you’re attracted to. I know plenty of cool gay people, but they’re cool because of something else, like their great fashion sense. Soon, straight people are going to start feeling bad about being straight, and that’s no good. Being gay doesn’t make you special or unique, besides in statistics. Don’t devaluate people because they’re straight.

This doesn’t mean that you or anyone else can’t be proud of being gay. If being gay is a big part of your identity and you’re proud of it, cool beans. Everyone comes to terms with their sexuality at their own pace and in their own way. I view sexuality as a whole as neutral, specifically mine. While sometimes I wish I were straight because of how easier life would be, I’m fine with being gay. Women are HOT (in my opinion).

My idea of equality is where a person’s sexuality is not expected but is communicated (if they want). Let’s neutralize sexuality and stop making assumptions.

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