Gay Sex Is Just Sex, So Please Stop Asking – Sexography

0 9


Sincerely, a bi woman

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Because I sleep with both men and women, when my sexuality comes up, I am asked many eye-roll-inducing questions. “How do you have sex with a woman?” “What are the differences between men and women?” “Who do you prefer to have sex with more?”

After years of interrogation, I now answer: “How do you have sex with a man?”, “Well, one has a dick and the other a vagina,” “Whoever can please me the most.”

If for some reason you are genuinely baffled by how two women have sex, please refer to our trusty friend Google. Despite what you may think, I am not Google and I have no interest in being a substitute.

Because I have been with both men and women, people who have only been with one gender like harassing us bisexuals with questions. Supposedly we have more answers? Honestly, I am not sure of the rationality behind it.

Because for many years, I was confidently attracted to women but hadn’t yet slept with a woman. I openly told people I was bisexual but anyone asking those questions wouldn’t have gotten good or informative answers. Some bisexuals are even…wait for it…virgins. So please stop assuming we are all walking encyclopedias of human sexual experiences.

I know I’m not.

And honestly, there are as many differences between two men you sleep with, as there are differences between men versus women. Sure the anatomy is different, but that is about where the comparison ends. And even then, there is the wonderful invention of strap ons.

I have been with women who are horrible at oral, I have been with men who are amazing at it. I have been with men who come super quickly, I have been with women who come super quickly. I have had bad sex with both men and women. I have had amazing sex with men and women.

If I were prompted to compare and contrast my sexual experiences, I would have more luck ranking every single one separately regardless of gender.

Grouping my experiences by gender is as trivial as grouping my sexual partners into the state they were born in. “Everyone from New York likes anal.” That sounds ridiculous. So why should I have to do that for men and women, then report it back to you!

Why should I have to do that at all? Why do we do that? I think people love to group sexual conquests into some easily defined order. Whether it be gender or race. Quantifying and qualifying.

That’s why I have been asked so many times to educate people on the differences. Put my sexual adventures into neat, tidy boxes and let everyone know that “Yes, men make me feel more dominated and yes, women are better at oral. After all, they have a vagina!”

Except that isn’t how it works. I am not going to simplify something as complex as sex. Sex is so personal and every experience is so different. It doesn’t matter if it is with a man or a woman.

And people really should stop expecting me to. I have no authority (even as a bisexual) to tell you how women are in bed, or men for that matter. I cannot provide you a ven-diagram.

I am not automatically more experienced. I am not automatically good at sex (although I hope I am). I am not necessarily good at pleasing a woman, just because I am a woman. And I was just as confused having sex with a man the first time as I was having sex with a woman. And yes, I have had bad sex with both.

People love to treat bisexuals like unicorns. If I find one, I have to ask them all these questions. Surely they will know!

I don’t know. I have no concrete answers to give you. I barely have answers for myself.

Sex is complicated and people’s preferences are diverse. I thought I knew how to give amazing head at one point, later tried my same perfected method on someone else and it wasn’t what worked for them. They were the same gender! So how can I possibly answer your questions?

I am not interested in categorizing. And if I am in the business of categorizing, I want to do it on my terms. Another bi friend and I have often spoken about how when we were younger we were more nervous to approach or seduce women. We engage in these conversations (which sometimes border on categorizing) because we want to and it is a safe space. Not because some random guy I just met, found out I was bi and wanted to ask me a million questions.

Being bisexual does not mean I have answers for you. It does not guarantee that I am sexually experienced. It certainly doesn’t mean that I want to answer your ignorant or rude questions. For me, sex is not something I can categorize with such ease. And I am not interested in doing so.

Love is Love is Love. And well… Sex is Sex is Sex.

You might also like

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Share this post with your friends!