A Day In The Life – Andi Carpenter-Pruitt
Try waking up mid life and not knowing if you are living the “true you”. You’ve always had self doubts but this was different, this somehow feels like you’re trapped. Your body is constantly changing in ways you don’t want it to. You’re eating to cope with the change, which in turns makes your body worse. There’s things in places they shouldn’t be… ya know normal shit right? That’s a day in the life.
I never really noticed how often I tugged at my shirt to hide the fact that I had breast, or to just feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. It’s not really something I spoke about considering I didn’t know where to start. I don’t have everything figured out and to open that door seemed more confusing than it was worth. So how does one make themself feel a little more comfortable?
Shower, avoid the mirror at all cost (unless it’s to pick at your face of course) don’t stare too long. Take your clothes into the bathroom to with you to avoid having to leave after the fact to change. No one can bare to see you this way right? So what do you wear? Well lets start head to toe. There’s your sports bra followed by a tank top… followed by a T-shirt and then finally your shirt you plan to wear for the day. YUP…You read that right.. By the time I’m done I’m wearing four pieces of clothing just on the top half of my body!
It’s crazy to think/write about it because I never gave it second thought when doing it. It’s just what I did. It’s what made me comfortable, It was my normal. I bet you’re thinking what’s on the bottom right? I mean all those damn shirts it must be the same down below. Well you’d be right.. sorta. For the longest time I never wore shorts, no real idea why, I just never did. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I hated my knees from all of my sports injuries.
Underwear is imperative, the wrong underwear can just ruin your entire day so it has to be right. After numerous back and forth trials and errors I found that I LOVE extra long boxer briefs. They keep my comfortable, they don’t ride up and I feel secure. Which in my case is extra important. After you’ve found the right pair you then have a pair of shorts (you know… to hold everything in). Shorts give a sense of comfort that your underwear can’t provide. Now I don’t mean some saggy nasty looking shorts that the entire world will see if you bend over. These are more snug and close to you, they should almost feel like tights (but not that tight lol). Then there’s your pants (cause you don’t wear shorts remember). You’re pants are actually pretty lenient. Jeans, joggers, sweats.. etc. However; whatever you wear it has to ALWAYS be presentable.
Your feet are simple just NEVER! EVER show your feet, so all you wear are tennis shoes and boots. See simple.. toss on some socks, some kick ass nikes and you’re ready to go. So lets recap: four items up top, three down below and never wear flip flops ALWAYS tennis shoes. You’re now comfortable in your skin. Sadly it could be 110º out and it wouldn’t alter my wardrobe.
About two months ago I looked into binding, I’d done so back in college but it was very casual considering that I had ZERO breast. (it’s no wonder I was more comfortable then than I am now). It’s rough looking into something so intimate but I couldn’t be more happy for myself that I did. Though It’s not a complete fix, it’s a start. My eating habits are a work in progress, but my self comfort has maximized to all new heights. Since binding I’ve cut out all under shirts. Which was a HUGE thing for me. I can’t remember a time before now that I didn’t layer before now. This dates all the way back to my middle school days. I’m actually wearing shorts.. now, but that started a little bit before binding. I think I now own more shorts than I do pants. I can’t say that I’ll ever cut out my undershorts though (not cause of a comfort thing) because I just feel naked and weird wearing only underwear and pants. Doesn’t seem natural, lol.
I plan to continue this journey no matter where it may lead, and hopefully I come out a better version of me on the other side.