Dear Secret Notebook,
My high school friend Donna and her wife Jessie (all names here are fake) took me out to a fancy dinner tonight because I’ve been doing home inseminations with them for 2 months. The restaurant was phenomenal, and they had their wedding reception there a year ago (I didn’t attend), so we got a bunch of complimentary dishes as the staff remembered them. So stuffed and satisfied :). But we were greeted with something even better when we got back…
Jessie snuck off to do a early detection pregnancy test (we had done 3 home inseminations 2 weeks ago leading up to her ovulation), and came back showing us the results. After a few minutes, she claimed she saw a very faint line indicating pregnancy. Neither Donna nor I saw it. She kept taking photos, showing inverted photo enhancements, and trying to get us to see it from certain angles. Finally, I took another look, and there was without a doubt, a very very VERY faint pink line. It took another inverted image of that for Donna to agree, but we were ecstatic! It could be an “evaporation line”, but Jessie is hopeful haha. Time will tell. 🙂
Here’s how to perform home insemination:
- Get supplies. A sterile cup (for jizzing into) and a sterile syringe (for injecting into the cervix). You can buy these on online (ie. Amazon).
- Ejaculate into the cup. I try to edge myself for at least 10 minutes before I ejaculate so that more comes out. Be sure not to use lube (some have spermicides) unless it comes with the kit (so that it’s also sterile). Do not touch the inside of the cup (decrease chances of contamination). And make sure your first shot gets in the cup (apparently, that first shot has the most sperm).
- Wait about 20–30 minutes for the semen to liquefy. My embryology friend confirmed that this is a legitimate step. Basically it goes from goopy to watery after about 30 minutes, and that helps it flow down the cervix into the uterus. Otherwise, it’d just stay where you inject it, making it harder to flow. By the time I hand over the cup, my job is done, and the rest is up to them, but just for your info, here are the remaining steps.
- Inject it in the cervix. First suck up the liquefied semen into the syringe. While the female is laying down, she can without lube insert the syringe into the vagina and pump the semen into her cervix.
- Wait 15–20 minutes on her back. This is to help the semen flow. She should be on her back with her hips on a slight upward tilt. Tilt is optional.
After that, Google more on when embryos fertilize, implant, and start showing up on pregnancy tests lol.
Now back to my day, because this is still my journal. I visited an open house on a pretty new (2014) single family home in LA (pretty bad neighborhood because it has high crime and poor schooling). After getting back, I went on a boba date with someone from Tinder who I friend-zoned. He’s chill, so if we keep chatting, I might invite him to hangout with some friends. He knew a lot of my high school friends though because he’s pretty local.
Then I went home and called up the real estate buyer’s agent associated with my work’s credit union for the first time to get him to submit an offer for me. I submitted 13% below asking (super low ball because I’m already in escrow for another property, which I just learned only has $1,000 in HOA cash reserves ugh). I asked the agent if he could put an offer for me within an hour, so I can sign it for a 24 hour expiration (offer expires tomorrow at 5pm!). The seller didn’t have any offers, and he was willing to entertain below-asking offers (which I learned today when I visited). He was quick, and I signed before I headed out to dinner!
Overall, a very productive day. I just finished sending follow-up questions to escrow for HOA docs I got, so I’ve got all my To Do items checked off for the day. Watching Joker tomorrow with Kim and Alan! There were shooting threats in Huntington Beach last night for Joker, and they had to cancel the showing because the threats were credible. I pray that God will keep us safe in our showing tomorrow.
Thankful for a smooth day. 🙂 Feeling blessed and hopeful, but fearing existential thoughts or escrow stress may come next week lol. Trying not to be glum.