When Homophobia Hurts Opposite Sex Couples – Esther Spurrill-Jones


Photo by Toimetaja tõlkebüroo on Unsplash

“There is nothing more important to society than the raising of children, for its very survival requires it. Homosexual unions are by nature contradictory to this. There is no complementarity of the sexes. Two members of the same sex may use their God-given free will to engage in acts, to co-habit and to own property together. They may commit themselves to monogamy. They may pledge to remain in a loving relationship for life. In that sense they have many of the collateral features of marriage, but they do not have its inherent feature, as they cannot commit to the natural procreation of children. They cannot therefore be married.” –Andrew Scheer, leader of the Conservative Party of Canada

When I got married, I was excited to start a family with my husband. I have seven younger siblings, so I already had quite a bit of experience taking care of children and I looked forward to watching my own babies grow and learn.

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After quite some time with no success at getting pregnant, I started getting worried. I tried several things I found online or my friends and family suggested. I drank raspberry leaf tea. I tracked my periods. I stayed lying down for quite a while after sex. I went to a fertility specialist obgyn. I took fertility drugs. I had sex only at prescribed times.

Nothing worked. We are an infertile couple.

For a long time, I cried at the sight of babies. It hurt to see a reminder of what I desperately wanted and couldn’t have. Time has brought me some peace, but when I heard Andrew Scheer say that those who cannot “commit to the natural procreation of children…cannot therefore be married” it hurt all over again.

Then someone on Twitter told me that “truth hurts” in response to my tweet pointing out that Scheer’s comments lump infertile couples in with same sex couples.

“The truth hurts but it’s the truth that’ll set you free.” How exactly am I set free by believing that my marriage is invalid because we can’t have biological children?

My husband and I “have many of the collateral features of marriage, but…do not have its inherent feature” as we can’t have children. Thanks, homophobia.

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