The Pressure to Come Out – Vi Synster

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We humans are social beings. We have an entire science dedicated to the classification of of flora and fauna (known as taxonomy). We instinctually feel better surrounded by people and isolation has been known to have disasterous consequences on the mental wellness of our brains. When it comes to figuring out one’s sexual orientation, this is no different.

We have “National Coming Out” day in the LGBTQIA community. We always see people asking “well, what am I REALLY”. It’s like we have tricked ourselves into thinking we HAVE to have ourselves figured out (at least in regards to sexual orientation) by our late teens or twenties or we have somehow “failed” ourselves and/or have a vital piece of our identiy missing. Mix trauma and/or neurodivergency into the equation? It can make the concept of “sexual attraction” completely ungraspable.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we have pressure to figure out who we are in regards to sexual orientation. “So what are you?” when it comes to sexual orientation is a common question in different communities. Different identities have different parameters for said identities (some identities are considered ‘very strict’ with definitions while others are inherently vague and/or leave room for a wide variety of interpretations).

It is okay to “skip around” from one term to another, trying to find that “eureka” moment when it comes to sexual orientations. The truth is, there is no “concrete” definition for what exactly is “sexual attraction”. Even the experts and scholars of human sexuality can not agree on a single definition. This is why LGBT forums and blogs on a daily basis have people asking “Hey, does this sound like (enter identity here)?” because we are all desperately searching for that one community that we feel we can truly connect to.

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