My Boyfriend Rejected My Proposal—Now What?

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Dear Andreus,

I have been with my boyfriend for eight years now, and after so long together I felt that it was time to move to the next step.  We have been living together four out of the eight years and have become very involved in each other’s families and social circles.  I recently gathered everyone and proposed to him. To my astonishment and disappointment, he said no. Of course, I was devastated and humiliated.  He told me that he has not arrived at that place yet. Now I am not sure I want to stay. Am I wrong?

Sincerely,

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

One thing you should know is that no two people love the same.  We all show love at a different capacity, but that does not mean that it is less or more than another person. Of course it was humiliating to be denied such a beautiful thing, especially in front of the people you hold dear, but maybe it is just not the right time. I would suggest you really talk to him and try to figure out where your relationship is going. It might, in fact, just be the beginning.  

Dear Andreus,

My partner’s mother is elderly and has dealt with many health issues over the past few years. Her doctor has recommended that she not live alone anymore. Since my partner is an only child, he has decided that she must come live with us. The problem is that it is my house, and she and I have never gotten along.  I have suggested that we put her into assisted living, and he is totally against it. I feel trapped in my own home? What should I do?

Sincerely

Jacob R.

Dear Jacob,

I cannot begin to tell you how to handle this situation.  Based on what you have told me, you and your partner need to come to some sort of agreement that suits everyone. Maybe she can be designated her own part of the house, and have professional care, such as a nurse or CNA at her disposal.  I don’t believe given your relationship with her, that your partner would expect you to directly care for her. Try to work it out. If we are lucky, we will all get old, and kindness goes a long way!

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